I remember how those boys went through me and laughing said: “see, he is walking so queerly”. I didn’t realize who was the target, me, my classmate, or even someone else in the school hallway, but I felt ashamed. I took the bullet on myself.
The bell rang. I went forward to the classroom and those words followed me.
Today is Sunday, the 24th of July. I woke up early in the morning, even earlier than my alarm with a good piano sound. Why so early? The mass is starting at 8 a.m. Morning toilet, small breakfast, clothing and I’m on the road to the church.
I don’t like so much the long notations of the padre, but the atmosphere, choir, and willingness to thank God for the week, push me to go there so early.
I feel my thank is heard, and I went to a lovely bakery down the street with a white-white soul. Then home, learning, rest, family lunch, and time for a walk.
The direction is set, park, birch alley, an old lake with funny ducks, out of the park to the food store, down the long long empty street, and the main town square. I’m on the second point, I see the men talking on the bench, I go forward, they look at me, start talking, laughing… I feel the same feelings as years ago in that school hallway.
Yes, I have a flat foot. Every time I’m going through glass doors or windows, I watch on my legs, then I think probably they were true, my walking manner a bit “non-standard".
I walk in the park each day, and each second day I feel like I’m walking “..so queerly”. I thought about it a hundred times. I rejected it, confirmed it again, tried to Google “How to walk right”, and tried to copy the manner of walking, year to year.
One look at me, on my legs, one thought about that, and it shots me again with words: “Hi, I’m here, do you remember ..?”.
I come up against a stone wall, my brain gave up with attempts to reject it or find any new excuse for it. It was time for the heart to take it into his hands:
— Yes, let’s suppose your manner is unique and no one else is walking in such an “odd” manner, and what? You walk as you can, with the legs you have. Did you see those in a wheelchair, they want the ability you are granted.
— Are you ok with that, is this manner ok especially for you? I feel Yes. So, what are you really afraid of? Unacceptance, rejection, mocks…?Unfortunately, some people like to do this, they are as they are, it’s their “odd” mindset.
— Have you ever tried to accept that? Yes, and it gave me freedom, but it back to me again in hard times. So accept it again and again!
— Take a look at the stem of an orchid, is it straight? No, it’s curved. So, then watch at those pretty flowers, and see how they decorate our world with their beauty. And now, does it matter how straight the stem is? The beauty of those flowers makes the stem perfect.
Your heart and your soul are your flowers, the beauty of them makes you whole perfect.. perfect child of God.
