I catch myself “not so good” after each conversation kind of “speaking about someone (colleague, classmate, neighbor) and highlighting his\her best sides”. Does the story about envy? I feel it’s not, but rather about “seamless comparing” while listening.
Oh, she dared on that trip, I’ve not yet.
He is very musculus right now, I’m not so.
Wow, she had worked in 3 countries for that short period of time, I still working there.
Those conversations are simple as they are, but at the end of the dialogue, I’m continuing my own monologue.
Maybe I’m doing not enough? Should I change the path? My life is boring in comparison to her
I feel that I want to miss our next dialogue with that person, not because of him, but because I get exhausted with the monologue after.
But wait, I remember I did the notes sometime, let me check them.
Oh, I was volunteering for almost 2 months as a math teacher for teens last summer
I’ve passed 3 courses that took 9 months before entering my first regular job
Wow, even though, I don’t know how I managed with study, work, and a granted project I won at the same time. It was challenging.
I’m doing what I can, in pace that I may, with resources I have.
I think after such conversations I should stop for a moment and before the start of “seamlessly comparing” just think: God, thanks for all that you granted me, I’m trying to do my best. I’m not the best, even though I don’t want to be. Let me further be myself. Thank you.
And it helps me…
Yesterday I had such dialogue with the person I love, and even in the morning I felt that precipitate of “I’m not so ..”, but then one thought came to me:
How would you feel without one hand? Not “complete”, yes?
And, how would you feel instead of one ear? The same.
The hand seems more valuable than the ear because it does more functions that we focus on, and more strong for sure, but they both are equally important in the human body even in a difference in size and position.
The same about me, you, him, and her.